i've been tierd for days and days...

I've been drinking a lot these days and i cant say i recall i night that hasn't ended with multiple beers and or shots of liquor.
Tomorrow we party at Rachel's i am sure that will be more fun than tonight's festivities.
I am thinking of inviting the new boy from my work, he just moved here from Las Vegas not two months ago and has no friends, that's kinda lame.

Today I met a fellow young photographer. He was big ugly and pretentious. He gave me shit for saying that I was moving to Flagstaff to study photography, I called him an asshole thrice from the time I met him to the time we parted ways, about thirty minuets. He deserved it.

Tonight I went to a Halloween party that i cant say I enjoyed.

Korey Sargent: I Love You

This is hard for me, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my decision first. I feel like a bad person because of it; you made me cry tonight when I think I finally realized how much you love me. Like you said though, I need to get the hell out of this shit hole.
I honestly don't give you enough credit, I think you fixed me, when I met you I was fucked up when I met you I didn't know how to feel about my life, I hadn't let myself cry in a year, I had just witnessed the death of my abusive life ruining grandfather; I had just been fucked over by a best friend and lover and had just fucked over my best friend and her lover. When I met you I had fucked myself over. When I met you, you made my life so much better. I wanted to tell you how much I loved you just days after meeting you instead I brought you flowers and we would smoke at coffee shops after school, wasting film on pictures of each other that didn't even come out.
Why do I feel like we are breaking up?
I have hardly seen you the past month or so, I feel like I don't know you well anymore, its been months since Ive been alone with you and I feel like we are best friends instead of lovers. But I love you. I don't want to be away from you, but i feel like we both need to grow and maybe our roots are no longer extending to same soils. I know you long for the east coast, I know, I know I do not.
I know I love you.
It was hard for me tonight, to hold back the tears when I hugged you at our table and when I kissed you goodbye, I'm sorry I have been unkind, I'm sorry that you think I have been cruel to you. It's not even that Ive been mad, maybe frustrated at your lack of contact, but I react strongly , its defense, its a front because I'm scared of being hurt and instead end up hurting others and in turn hurting myself. when I seem mad at you I am most likely crying on the drive home. I blame my inability to control, express or deal with any form of emotion on my paternal grandfather who crushed it out on my father and made me grow up with it.
This is my tribute to us and hopefully it will help me redeem myself from what I have inflicted upon you for the past two years, I notice all thees pictures are old, if not even taken on the same day, they might have been, but here you go. I know you will see this, and you don't have to say anything to me, we can call it part 2, like that letter I sent you in boulder, I know you didn't want to respond, I know you.
If nothing else Korey Sargent, I want you to know that I didn't decide to do this to run away from you, If nothing else Korey Sargent, I want you to know that you are my best friend, I want you to know that you have taught me how to be loved. If nothing else Korey Sargent, I want you to know that you are a beautiful person and that you have so much potential waiting inside of you. If Nothing else Korey Sargent, I want you to know that you made me a woman and I love you.

Yes this is my life, and yes you should care.

I am moving to flagstaff.
I know that this has already been established, but this time when i say it I mean. I am moving to Flagstaff.

hopefully this will take place after December holidays, but before the new year.

I will attend a community college as a freshman while being surrounded my sophomores and Juniors at the University. I will know no one but the one I love. I am leaving for her.
This place has become too little and not enough for me.

I went to a kind of crazy Halloween party on Friday and was dubbed designated bar wench by the home owner. I was a pirate and I'm a good server, so it worked out. Smoked weed for the first time in a good few years, cant say i enjoyed that, boyfriend threw up all over the bathroom and some punk ass little Nazi teenagers had the fucking balls to call one of my best friends a kike. that little coward was lucky that no blood was shed, i was packing brass knuckles and a blade, Mike had hunting knife and his bad ass cowboy attitude.

it will be good to see Aly next week.

to be alone with you.

I have a new job, its lonely. I spend hours on end in a secluded corner of Wal-Mart. I dont even work for Wal-mart.