sleep is a chore
woke at least 3 times in the past week, crying with no explanation. but deep down i know that i really do have a reason.
registered for a single class this semester...price will keep me from adding another.
my dreams recently have been verging on scary. i dont want the bad ones to come back.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
with all these wishes i make i should buy something real...
today i discovered that the new worst part of my new great job is that it gives me entirely too much time to just sit ad think.
Im not used to having an hour or more where i can keep my hands busy, mindlessly, but enough to make it feel like im not not doing anything....but i do this, 8 hours, keeping busy, headphones on, pondering life and whatever the fuck and all the little problems of the past few days...i can just sit and think about them, or re think them.
One day I will be able to think about you again without crying....today is not that day....
crying at work sucks, but i cant help it if my pandora two gallants station starts playing the shins and pedro the lion...dont worry though, no tears were shed, but i got pretty misty there for a min.
Got lunch with the mother today. and by lunch i mean iced tea and an order of fries to share... we talked about me moving and her business and ill health.
She says she dosnt want me to leave, but only because i wont be here anymore. I told her that its not really that i really want to get away from here as much as id just really rather be there... which is mostly true... i guess...
want to leave, but more i feel i need to leave.
I just dont think i could live with myself as one of those people who didnt do what they felt their heart was telling them in their youth and instead decided to stay in tucson and rot into their middle aged, still retail working miserable existence in the desert.
for real now, how many times have i claimed to be moving in the next six months? i think this has been a recurring theme of the past few years of my life.
So i say fuck the economy, fuck what you think and fuck what i know is probably for the best. my ass is moving to california.
thats right, im gonna be one of those kids that moves away for no real reason to a city far too expensive to really live in and im gonna fucking make it work.
so there.
Im not used to having an hour or more where i can keep my hands busy, mindlessly, but enough to make it feel like im not not doing anything....but i do this, 8 hours, keeping busy, headphones on, pondering life and whatever the fuck and all the little problems of the past few days...i can just sit and think about them, or re think them.
One day I will be able to think about you again without crying....today is not that day....
crying at work sucks, but i cant help it if my pandora two gallants station starts playing the shins and pedro the lion...dont worry though, no tears were shed, but i got pretty misty there for a min.
Got lunch with the mother today. and by lunch i mean iced tea and an order of fries to share... we talked about me moving and her business and ill health.
She says she dosnt want me to leave, but only because i wont be here anymore. I told her that its not really that i really want to get away from here as much as id just really rather be there... which is mostly true... i guess...
want to leave, but more i feel i need to leave.
I just dont think i could live with myself as one of those people who didnt do what they felt their heart was telling them in their youth and instead decided to stay in tucson and rot into their middle aged, still retail working miserable existence in the desert.
for real now, how many times have i claimed to be moving in the next six months? i think this has been a recurring theme of the past few years of my life.
So i say fuck the economy, fuck what you think and fuck what i know is probably for the best. my ass is moving to california.
thats right, im gonna be one of those kids that moves away for no real reason to a city far too expensive to really live in and im gonna fucking make it work.
so there.
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