can i please speak to whos in charge?

assuming that my mother was always correct and i really do treat everyone in my life like a pile of shit..... would really explain a lot of shit going on right now.
for some reason though, i feel like i do a lot for a lot of people, i mean, i help my friends when they ask for it as often as i possibly can.
i really do try to be a good person, ill tell you that much, and its not easy. It really is hard to try to stay positive when all you hear all day is about how you're irresponsible, not working hard enough, not jumping high enough and that youre a bad photographer...on top of that its just hard to come home from work everyday and try to be happy about being alive.
i feel like i've been helping everyone when they come to me with their problems, patiently listening, giving sympathy or offering my advice... and when i look for help from them, or even get asked whats wrong the subject gets changed or i just get talked over. what the fuck, i dont even understand. im, feeling like a majority of the people around me right now are either constantly testing my intelligence, or simply believe me to be not worthy enough to take seriously. but with that, the people around me have often not taken me seriously, i suppose that was something dropped on me by my mother, and with the constance of not being taken seriously i've just become so used to it that my thoughts and actions are unbelievable even to myself.
i want to escape this place, there is just so goddamn much holding me back right now, i want to say fuck it all and just leave. im feeling like less and less is worth keeping around. at least i have the people i love as far as i can tell, but i probably do not, just like they dont really have me.

im moving in the summer and theres not a thing we can do about that.

im sick of my unfinished projects, my half assed attempts at everything.











uhhhhhh i guess i wrote that post like last month and never published it cause i didnt wanna piss anyone off, lololololol....but its my blog so that shouldnt really matter eh?