Whatever, life.

I have been in the strangest mood all day. maybe it has something to do with the dehydration or maybe its cause i slept all day.
I had a dream that we found a man from the past and he fell in love with the present. it was bizare to say the least, i kind of feel like i shouldnt tell anyone about it, he was very secretive.
Today I have longed for a boyfriend, someone to stand behind me and clasp his hands at my hip while his arms rest around my waist. thats all I really want. maybe someone to fuck and someone to sing me to sleep. oh well.This is for tonight, and im gonna try it.
As of late i have learned a lot about myself and how much i have no regard for the problems of others. i really just dont care, its not apathy as much as it is selfishness.
I am going out, im going to get shitty, i dont know where im going and i dont know where im sleeping tonight, i do know i am going to work at 10 am. this should be interesting.

rejoice.

So, today was pretty shitty. While I am still recovering from Saturday night and Sundays horrific hangover...I went to school late today, told my teacher it was cause I had a doctors appointment....He was worried about me, I've been sick for a while.
Hung out with Korey today, that was fun at last... he has friends way cooler than me now, cool friends that hate me. Whatever, he found a place to live that is about ten million times closer than he is now. Yay. This picture is old...but I kinda like it. lawl...
This weekend I went to Flagstaff, I traveled alone and felt like my own little indie movie on the bus. Pretty lame. But the music was good, the reading was better and I got to sit alone for over half of my trip. Staying with Aly was pretty much amazing, even if there was a whole lot of roommate drama. She introduced me to some extremely awesome ladies that she's bringing to town this Friday I believe, excellent. This weekend (in no particular order) I: Smoked a lot, stood in the snow for too long, did a lot of blow, had wet feet, bought beer illegally from a gas station(kind of), took a lot of pictures of prancing gay boys, drank a lot, messed around with a vaguely (but not too) cute Jewish boy, watched a French film in a library, loved Aly, met a fellow Nerd Fighter, got way too drunk, walked alone in an unfamiliar city while really drunk, had my first true hangover, drank in the morning to relieve it, had a half hour nose bleed, toasted with some sorority girls I didn't know(they were walking when I was), and didn't have my heart explode. It was fun.

My mom gave me a lot of bullshit today...out of nowhere. About shit that im already aware of, as Nico would say "Please don't confront me with my failures, I have not forgotten them"



So help me lord, I am so going to re-create this photo, but its gonna be me chugging that boones farm. Maybe not in a tux, but it will be classy shit.

School is kicking my ass... still...

the sky is fucking falling

This week so far has been pretty crazy so far...done a few things against my better judgment, but by no means against my will.
This picture is ridiculous, thought i'd share.

last night i had a dream about a car...that wasn't mine, and it had two flat tires...
and today was last day of school till monday yaaaaaay

IM GOING TO FLAGSTAFFF YAAAY

Lord knows i could make amends

Sometimes I forget I live in the desert, I've been here so long it feels like its all that exists, and not in a good way. Today is cold, Valentine's day. The wind is strong and gusty, bad chi. I was driving home from class today and while taking a short cut through a neighborhood I was kindly reminded of where I am by a little tumbleweed blowing in the street. I almost want to go back and collect him, he could be my Valentine; with my luck though, he's already moved on.
my horoscope:
Thursday, February 14:

Today is for friends. Put aside your quest for love for a bit and spend your time catching up with loved ones -- as you share your hopes, your crazy dating stories and your future plans, everything will become clearer.

honestly, what kind of Leo does astrology.com think I am?
But the horoscope that I get sent to me daily via text message says that a gorgeous stranger will enter my life today! Maybe that was Mr. Tumbleweed...

In exciting news ALY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

so help me.

So last night after making my Barack post I fell asleep and forgot to set my alarm.
I was supposed to open the store at 10am.
As mention in last nights post it takes roughly 40mins to drive to said new work place from my house.
I woke up at the early hour of 10am. 10:04 to be exact.
and oh shit.
got a call from the boss....shit...

This scene ends badly, as you can imagine. I should quit before I get fired.












I kind of want short hair again, but dont worry, I wont do it.

You can Barack me tonight.

Started working at the Valencia store today. It was crazy, and I got a little crazy.
Customers on the south side are nicer, but I think I’m gonna quit. Possibly for real this time. It takes about 40 mins for me to even get to that location, and this morning I got lost. Opening 15 mins late is just a little stressful with a solid booked day and no keys. And I mean, I just really don’t like kids.
In other news: Our friend Barack seems to be doing well. Winning states all over the place...Like it’s the thing to do. This pleases me. Has anyone else seen Obama girl??? Cause if you haven’t, you should. There is a link to her blog over there somewhere----> watch "I gotta crush...On Obama" its excellent.
I slept for an hour and a half after getting off work today and had weird ass dreams. There was a huge inactive volcano south of Tucson, really big; you could see it from anywhere in town. Allen decided it would be pretty jokes if he took the Camry for a drive with the windows down blasting opera and finished off by driving it into an enormous-ized version of my swimming pool. My mother and I went grocery shopping in a cave when we heard a loud bang. She flipped out and all of a sudden there was a huge cloud over Tucson's inactive volcano. Cut to: driving down 5th st. just before Campbell with Jacob and Korey in my car, they are singing when we hear screaming. There are large flaming rocks flying through the sky and we can see where miles away the sky is full of ash and we can’t see past. At this point Jacob calls me and I wake up He tells me about how he doesn’t want Korey over to his place anymore. I don’t remember getting off the phone.
I heard from Yanar. She is well and will be sad when I write back and tell her I won’t be there this summer.
Also, I really dont wanna go to school.

Is This It

Last night was Mardi Gras, for real this time.
I spent the evening with an ex boyfriend from round abouts five years ago. Griffin. Upon making plans to see him I was skeptical that it would be the same adolescent bullshit from our days of Miles. I arrived my usual half hour late and apologized profusely having already set our plans back an hour earlier that day. It was awkward at first and bitterly cold. We ended up at a real shitty cafe on university and park, the espresso tasted like weak warmish coffee flavored tea. We sat outside, it was cold, but we could smoke and take long exposure shots. Lens envy was had from both parties and after moving inside to the warmth the baristas put on The Strokes - Is This It.

Rachel was sick, but we went to her place anyway cause I kind of need her to live. We ended up getting a little tipsy and I made Rachel play my fave renditions. It was great, Griffin complemented Rachel on her talents and told her to play a show at Dry River, it was cute. Overall the experience was not at all what I expected and I was just so shocked to find this boy I used to know transformed into a tolerable person whos company I don’t mind....and maybe even enjoy.

I just listened to Is This It in its entirety and loved it just a little bit more than I used to.

lace up your skates real tight, be here by 6 O'clock tonight!

Today was a lot of way too much fun mixed with a whole lot of oh shit I think I'm gonna pukes.
and that about sums it up. We talked about politics and school and kids that wear the same hoodies...and the rain.
I am so ridiculously far behind in school already that its sick. I have missed two classes and I'm pretty sure to day was the first day of the third week. The bad dreams haven't been helping me too much to stay focused on class either.
The boy I like right now is a mystery to me...and it has never been this hard for me to tell if someone likes me or not. That is fine, its been a while regardless.
Saturday night I bought my very first very own little pipe. Its real pretty. Real pretty, Jordan Ross is gonna gift me with his finest to break it in.
Speaking of Jordan Ross, he and I shared vaguely depressing words tonight about men and what they want.

im done.

you may say im a dreamer, well im not the only one.

I have no idea what is bringing about this bout of horriffic dreams I have been having almost every night. The dreams, this time are different from the nightmares I have always had. There is always an associated drunk feeling...as if I am unable of holding myself up, walk in a straight line, and often times I will fall to the floor and not be able to get up because of my heavy swaying head along with this comes the feeling like I am hitting on head on everything nearby constantly.
Yesterday after going to class and all that whatnot I slept for three hours in the middle of the day night mare free. I don't know if this was because I basically passed out from being sleep deprived...but i did dream, but not badly.
I am constantly tiered, even when I wake up. I feel these dreams keep me from sleeping, even if I am sleeping for8-12 hours! waking up is so hard and feels like I havent rested yet.
Part of my dream last night involved watching a movie in class and licking cocaine off a sticky with scum desk and diving under tables at a train station.

all these things aside i am only slightly worried and excited at the same time.