Are you Sensation?

So, Ive got three jobs on the line right now, all of which include attractive women and full to partial nudity.
As soon as I actually sit down and get this wedding stuff out of the way, shits gonna get awesome. hopefully.

Yesterday was pretty shitty, and then it got pretty great. After my writing class I went down to 4th to meet Phil, we walked to the BookStop which was amazing and everything except what I was specifically looking for. So I left with Lolita and White Noise and a really awesome photo book called The Body. Its hot, to say the least. Afterwards we drove to his place so I could make him listen to Tigercity and he could show me his extensive collection of LPs, which was amazing. But on the way there...there was an interview with Vladimir Nobokov's son on npr and I thought it was all too awesome considering I had just bought Lolita. So that was great.
I watched Taxi Driver for the first time yesterday, and holy fucking shit, Amazing.
I never ever thought I would hear myself say that Robert Deniro was hot, under any circumstances, but hot fucking damn.
watch Texi driver.
thats all ive got to say.




P.S. what the fuck is with the state of Pima Community College students and how can they honestly tell me they have never heard of NPR and have no idea what it is! OMGSH!


oh, also i just found out my grandma has Primary biliary chyrrosis....bleh.

i am false

distracting myself...
this was hard and a long time coming, this was our own decisions and a good one i feel. why waste time on something that ended a long time ago. that sounds insensitive, but it is highly.
i am sick of judgment.
i am sick of being fat and brown haired and brown eyed and I'm sick of being a generally boring and mediocre person. i wish i could be effortlessly beautiful, but that's not for all of us. i am so sick of being false and being hateful and bitter and being mean all the time....how long have i been this unhappy? or seemed so anyway. i just remember that its been this way for a while and I'm not sure why.
pretty sure I'm gonna lose a good twenty pounds..ill start with 10. i hate this bullshit. i hate my job.
the only thing i am looking forward to right now is seeing my suicide girl again, our meeting went well and we are planning to shoot on Sunday. i cant wait. the company doesn't have a staff photographer in Tucson yet, but i don't really think there are many suicide girls here. another wedding possibility has come up and hopefully it will be mine. I'm thinking that maybe if i drown myself in work again and go a little crazy it will help me regain my sanity... i should probably just stay at home for like a week.

My emptiness is swollen shut.

I just scored a dream gig. Tomorrow night i am going to drive my ass to the other side of the universe (Oracle/Ina) and I am going to meet a sweet red head named Heather who will be preforming that evenings entertainment with a little band that she is part of twice a week. Heather is Suicide Girl, and yesterday she made a post on craigslist looking for a young hopefully female photographer to shoot her first set. She specified that she wanted young, creative and possibly a student. I responded with samples and she wrote me back this morning. I have wanted this for a very long time.

yaaaaaaaaaaaay!


in other news im pretty sure marcella thinks im a terrible person or something. I guess there was a falling out..i didnt mean to scare the crap out of her by snorting adderall in front of her or talking about cocaine...but i guess thats what happens when you have a friend for ages that you never say anything to about drugs that you have done and then they see you doing it...