update maybe?

So lemme just say that San Francisco is probably the most exceptional city I have had the pleasure to visit in the United states.
I loved it, lots and lots. There is nowhere else i would like be by this time next year but in the throes of that city, attending the Academy of Art University, studying my little heart out over photographs and spending my days in the foggy splendor, but lets be real, there is no fucking way I can afford it. Regardless, I'm still gonna (at least until my spirit is completely broken) spend a whole crap load of energy doing everything in my power to be there by next fall.

This is the first time ive used the internet for more than 10mins in the past two months maybe. wow, its like a fix i've been needing for weeks. oh blog, how i missed thee. Needless to say, no i have not read your updates, and no offense but i dont have time to go backlogging.

registering for classes needs to be done and fucking Pima online isthe pbiggest pain in my ass since may, when i needed it last.

just applied for a job at Rembrandt photography which is a prestigious little local studio that does senior portraits as well as event dispatch shooting (weddings ect.). they will pay me more than the crap ass "hee-haw factory"* that im in now minimum, so thats a plus, but they claim experience will win you a higher wage, and that ive got. So, here's to hoping I get that job. Perhaps i will call my grandmother and have her pray to St. Anthony for me :P


*how my mother refers to my place of work

gots my tickets.

leave Tucson 11:45AM 21 Jul
arrive in Oakland 3:32 PM 21 Jul

frolicking in San Francisco.

leave Oakland 2:09 PM 29 Jul
arrive in Tucson 7:35 PM 29 Jul

cantwait omgsh



Today I woke up at 11am and was supposed to be at work by 9:45am...omgsh

I once had a life, or rather, life had me....

Cristina,
Close relationships are apt to be quite a handful now. The strength of your will pulls new opportunities towards you. They may not fall right into your lap, but they are within reach. Although it may seem like you are getting a raw deal, someone is actually doing you a favor.

Thank you horoscope for lifting my spirits every now and again.
just when shit gets hard and I feel like I'm making all the wrong decisions...apparently its still within my reach, anyway the rest of that sounds a little negative.

Going to San Francisco on the 20th, getting back on the 28th. These dates are subject to change in the 1-2 day range. Hopefully this will be exciting...I'm a little scared, fucking terrified actually. sleeping arrangements are sketchy as hell to say the least right now, I have no idea how I'm gonna stay alive or what I'm gonna do after I land...but we'll see. haven't been able to get a hold of Greg really, but Im sure if I show up anywhere in the bay area he'd be more than accommodating.

Phil says that he is going to go also, I'm a little scared that he's not gonna, but well...hrm, we'll see about that too.

My main concern is finances. Im pretty sure i can afford everything as long as I dont eat, and maybe stop buying cigarettes and coffee all the time.

jesus christ.

oh, and i just got this one.::


You've got to take care of some financial issues that aren't going anywhere on their own. It's a good time to tackle serious problems -- or to clear away obstacles to investment or growth.

God forgive my tasteless tongue.

It's really less about morals and more about pride for someone like me.
At first I really did have problems with letting my friends help me out (Greg and Phil) when I told them that I wanted to go to San Francisco to check out a school and maybe live there next year. Greg even up and offered me a place to live almost completely rent free. Phil offered to pay for many expenses such a visit might require. My first reactions were thankful and being amazed that these people would care enough to be so generous, but I realize that this gesture is so possible for both of them that I cannot even begin to understand. I realize that neither of these boys work for their money, but I do think that they are both genuinely kind people, at least.
Anyway, It was these kinds of thoughts that led me to the conclusion that this is really the only way I will ever be able to accomplish such things, or see if this whole moving to San Francisco thing is really what I want to do. And if my friends are willing to help me try to better my life because they know that I don't exactly have the kind of money it takes to help myself, then by all means, thank you sooo much! I accept. At the same time I feel like this is something I want to do myself and I would feel terrible having my boyfriend of two months pay for big parts of a trip thats gonna help me decide my future but if this is how I'm gonna be able to do it at all...I kinda feel like it would be stupid to pass up such an opportunity.

well. at least I think I've made up my mind for a while.

ALSO!
Tucson just got a little better and Ill tell you why: Yanar is back. I dont think i can even begin to tell you how happy this makes me.

I keep all that I can call my own in the bags beneath my eyes...

Not really sure how things are going these days...
there is this strange feeling that I cannot talk to anyone without severely pissing them off, so I feel my self growing away from almost everyone...been spending a lot of time alone at my mother's house...been spending a lot of time working all day.
In spite of everyone else...I am happy, to an extent.
though, it is hard to be happy when everyone around you is sad, it is hard to take pleasure in most things.

Lately I have become aware of just how naive I am, and at the same time how jaded I feel...this is hard to explain, so I will not.

I think I am going to schedule a campus tour for the Academy of Art University.

Today at work I photographed a little boy that looked like Winona Ryder...

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Just spent the last 22hours with Phil...it was pretty great...

Tucson is filled with smoke and I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

New:

• I just talked to my boss and she told me I can leave work for up to 30 days and stay employed (this is extendable if need be)
• My dad thinks I'm stupid for wanting to move out.
• I will be receiving $3,000 in early September. (ask for details privately)
• selling my bass guitar tomorrow.
• I still really want to go on this trip.
• I still need to move out.
• Im still freaking out about my math final.
• All claims from my accident on May 5th where I rear ended an SUV on tucson bouevard have been dropped and my driving record is clean once again.
  

the west coast has been traumatized.

I've been invited on a cross-country road trip.
by cross country I mean: Tucson to Austin, to Chicago, to Seattle, down the west coast back to Tucson. With many stops in between of course those are just a few really big ones.
I'm conflicted as to if I should accept this offer. It sounds amazing. It would be the greatest thing ever to be able to travel the country and take photographs all over the U.S. and be free for like an entire month.
I want to go, really really want to...maybe I should just do it...but I would be abandoning so many responsibilities.
This dosnt feel like the kind of opportunity that will just happen by again, and if I don't go now when I'm 18, without a steady career and still living at home when will I?!?!?!?? right?! so I should just do something for myself and live my life. have a fucking adventure. right?
probably not.
but id really love to.

rejoice.

So, today was pretty shitty. While I am still recovering from Saturday night and Sundays horrific hangover...I went to school late today, told my teacher it was cause I had a doctors appointment....He was worried about me, I've been sick for a while.
Hung out with Korey today, that was fun at last... he has friends way cooler than me now, cool friends that hate me. Whatever, he found a place to live that is about ten million times closer than he is now. Yay. This picture is old...but I kinda like it. lawl...
This weekend I went to Flagstaff, I traveled alone and felt like my own little indie movie on the bus. Pretty lame. But the music was good, the reading was better and I got to sit alone for over half of my trip. Staying with Aly was pretty much amazing, even if there was a whole lot of roommate drama. She introduced me to some extremely awesome ladies that she's bringing to town this Friday I believe, excellent. This weekend (in no particular order) I: Smoked a lot, stood in the snow for too long, did a lot of blow, had wet feet, bought beer illegally from a gas station(kind of), took a lot of pictures of prancing gay boys, drank a lot, messed around with a vaguely (but not too) cute Jewish boy, watched a French film in a library, loved Aly, met a fellow Nerd Fighter, got way too drunk, walked alone in an unfamiliar city while really drunk, had my first true hangover, drank in the morning to relieve it, had a half hour nose bleed, toasted with some sorority girls I didn't know(they were walking when I was), and didn't have my heart explode. It was fun.

My mom gave me a lot of bullshit today...out of nowhere. About shit that im already aware of, as Nico would say "Please don't confront me with my failures, I have not forgotten them"



So help me lord, I am so going to re-create this photo, but its gonna be me chugging that boones farm. Maybe not in a tux, but it will be classy shit.

School is kicking my ass... still...

Keep all I can call my own in the bags beneath my eyes

Registering for school today was a big pain in my ass. =( took all three assessment test and passed reading and writing with flying colors...math on the other hand was bullshit, but I got into a decent class so it should work out fine as long as I don't fail.
Getting a flat tire yesterday sucked a lot too, gotta get that fixed tomorrow on top of doing a whole bunch of other shit.fuuuuuuuuuck
Been on a major Two Gallants thing lately, love it so much it hurts.
Sleeping is still a problem...baaah
Going to Flagstaff this weekend is really keeping me going today, if I didn't keep remembering that Im gonna be outa here in a few days I would be so depressed about the needing to buy tiers, having to pay for school, taking the car to emissions thing, would really take me down most other days. BUT YAAAAAYY! it will be fun, another trans-arizona episode in the travels of CrackToe and Wachie!!!